Reviews & Testimonials

From Lullaby to Goodbye – Review

by Stefanie Zucker, Founder of Pediatric Safety

A  wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. But…there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that’s how awful the loss is! - Neugeboren, J. An Orphan’s Tale. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston. 1976

There are a number of sayings that came to mind as I read this book. It is said that children are not supposed to die before their parents…it upsets the natural order of things.  It is also said that life can be unfair.  As I sit here thinking about “From Lullaby to Goodbye,” I believe both of these to be true.

How does one survive the death of a child??  According to Donna Lamb of the Menninger Clinic, a leading psychiatric treatment, research and education facility, “Bereaved parents feel oppressive feelings of failure in their roles as parents; their inability to prevent their child’s death leads to overwhelming feelings of helplessness and of being violated…  Parents, looking through their pain, are disoriented and confused to see that somehow the world continues on even though nothing makes sense anymore.”  And how could it?  A child – your child – your gift to the world is gone.  How can the whole world not suffer with you?

Patti McKenna’s book takes you inside that world…the world of the grieving parent.  Her concept is simple – but profound. Grieving parents need other grieving parents to heal. Family members, friends and other well-wishers may do their best to ease the pain and suffering, but in the end, according to McKenna, “sometimes we need the comfort and support of people who understand what we’re going through, who will listen without judging, and who become a kindred spirit, for no reason other than the fact that they’re also members of the club that none of us asked to join. It’s a lifetime club, and we’ve all paid our dues.” Patti’s book provides that kinship – that connection for parents who need to reach out, but do not know how or to whom. 

At its core, “From Lullaby to Goodbye” is a compilation of stories told by grieving parents.  It is a courageous and selfless gesture of kindness from one parent to another – a sharing of life experiences in the hopes that even in some small way, they can help ease “the deep ache that can only come from mourning a child.” 

The book however is not just for parents who have lost a little one – it is also for the people who love them and feel helpless in their inability to make the pain go away. Patti talks about how after an initial “accepted” grieving period, others around her were uncomfortable when she spoke about losing her son. Perhaps, as Menninger cites, it is “because bereaved parents represent the worst fear of every parent, they are avoided more than other mourners.” “From Lullaby to Goodbye” reminds us that bereaved parents continue to – and will forever be – the parents of the child who died.  And the best a loved one can do is in fact what Patti has set as her goal for this book: “let every grieving parent know that it’s okay to talk about their child and to keep his or her memory alive.” 

Stefanie Zucker is President and co-founder of Pediatric Medical Devices and Managing Director and co-founder of Axios Partners, a strategy consulting firm. After a number of years spent researching the safety issues associated with transporting children on ambulances, she became a child health safety advocate and formed www.PediatricSafety.net  with a goal of creating a world-wide movement of parents and caregivers inspired to protect the health and safety of kids.

PediatricSafety.net is a community for Parents, Doctors, Nurses, EMS, Teachers, etc. raising awareness of child health and safety issues & creating an environment for open exchange of questions and ideas.